On my sister’s birthday
My sister turned a year older yesterday, but I was going too hard to take a moment to feel how much I love and appreciate her. A quick phone call focused on business was all we shared. So now, I reflect back on who she has been to me.
Lily has held me up for as long as I can remember. She’d consult with me at the office supply store when it was time to spend my allowance, she’d encourage me to stay out of my parent’s arguements by focusing on my hand work, she’d sustain my perserverence when learning to bead forgetmenot bracelets, she’d give me the wrong controller so that I believed I was a Super Mario expert, she’d coach me on how to hold my friends’ attention when they’d rather be playing with her, she’d push my fingers down harder on the wooden recorder when navigating my way through Twinkle Twinkle, she’d buy my first pencil drawn portraits so I’d know they held value, she’d write me encouraging letters on rainbow stationary from too far away in NOLA to let me know that she was lonely sometimes too, she’d spend her extra money on supporting my snowboarding interest when I was hungry for an adolescent tribe, she’d give me lessons on kissing boys and partying as safely as possible within my irresponsible bounds, she’d send me boxes of clothing to look put together during my first year of college to give me the confidence to be heard and seen, she was vocal when I wanted her to be and kept her mouth shut when I didn’t as I began navigating parenthood, she gave me hundreds of dollars worth of weaving materials in the summer of 2016 when she saw I was finally interested so that I felt no creative restriction, she did everything I asked of her and more under my strict and end-of-life regemin for our mother, she organized my wedding without burdening me when details so that it was completely stress-free, and even through all of our toughest times of confrontation and insecurities, she’s given herself to the healing and growth that I’ve mostly taken for granted and been so spoiled from.
I owe so much of my self confidence and sense of security within this world to the stability and support of my sister. This could be referred to as “attachment sisterhood”. Very similar to what a mother might offer, Lily has shown me how to trust the tides of this life, and I know I wouldn’t be the risk-taker that I am without her strength.
Thank you Lily, for holding me so gracefully in this lifetime and giving me the gift of faith.
You are the polka dots to my stripes, the laugh to my smile, the enthusiasm to my pragmatism, the rain to my dust, the heart to my head.
I’m certain that I’m the luckiest big little sister west of the Mississippi.